There comes a point in every adult-living-with-their-parents-because-of-economic-reasons' life that you realize your dad is really quotable. Also full of shit. Mostly full of shit. These are those stories. DUN DUN.
Esquire Theme by Matthew Buchanan
Social icons by Tim van Damme
17
Sep
![[While at a sporting goods store]
Me: Wow, that salesman knew absolutely nothing about that stuff. He was just reading the tag to us.
Pops: Yeah, but I bet he knows all there is to know about folf.](http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lrpcu1AAfn1qk2hioo1_400.jpg)
[While at a sporting goods store]
Me: Wow, that salesman knew absolutely nothing about that stuff. He was just reading the tag to us.
Pops: Yeah, but I bet he knows all there is to know about folf.
15
Jul
pops: “I like donuts. I mean, I REALLY like donuts… And milkshakes. And hot dogs and beans.”
09
Jul
pops: “Kate, do you ever dick with people because you can? Because you have the upper hand?
08
Jul
driving home from home depot of the 4th of July, naturally:
pops: (after a family guy worthy long sigh) Well, Happy Birthday.”
…
“America.”
as a chatty pops stumbles into kitchen:
me: “Are you drunk?”
pops: “Nooo.” (looks at mom who has dye in her hair with a timer on) “What are you doing? Dying your hair? It looks like fudgie fudgie pudding!”
19
Jun
Pops: “Your puppy made me leave the room today.”
Me: “Why? What happened?
Pops: “His farts are terrible.”
Me: “Did you feed him something weird? He should just eat his puppy chow.”
Pops: “Just milk from my cereal and some beef jerky.”
Mystery solved.
“I will not go to Valhalla unarmed.”
While watching Star Trek, one character finds a clone of himself. Pops’ commentary:
“See me later! Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!”
15
Jun
awesomepeoplehangingouttogether:
Pee-Wee Herman, Rodney Dangerfield and David Lee Roth
During church, the priest asks the rhetorical question, “What are we here for?”
Pops: “An hour.”
14
Jun
Said to a puppy who is barking for attention:
“These aren’t the droids you’re looking for.”
06
Jun
![“I don’t care what that liar [weatherman] says, I still don’t think ‘tornadic’ is a word.”](http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lmekw0CTT31qk2hioo1_400.jpg)
“I don’t care what that liar [weatherman] says, I still don’t think ‘tornadic’ is a word.”
04
Jun
Pops: “Wasn’t Ralph Macchio the voice of Gaston?”
Mom: “No.”
Brother: “Gaston?”
Pops: (talking over mom who says Beauty&The Beast) “Yeah, from Lion King. With Mufasta…Why are you laughing?”
31
May
We were driving behind a guy on a scooter who was obviously seconds away from falling. He was weaving in and out of lanes, his tires were too low, and his mirror falls off. Pops deliberately runs it over.
Me: “Why’d you do that? That wasn’t nice.”
Pops: “He’s deserves it. He’s an idiot.”
30
May
“That sounds like another goddamn thing. We’re trying to limit the number of goddamn things.”
via awesomepeoplehangingouttogether